Stephen “Smith” (1976 – 1999)

Within seconds I stopped being a parent and mother.  I lost my only child, Stephen Mager, on February 14, 1996. All of this happened during noon break on a school day. 

Stephen was a passenger in a car that was driven by his best friend.  He was sitting in the back seat without his seat belt on.  His friend reached speeds estimated at above 60 mph on a dirt road with a speed limit of 35 mph.  His friend attempted to hit a squirrel in the road and lost control of the car.  My son was ejected out of the back window, and the car landed on top of him.  His friend and two girls who were also in the car had cuts and bruises.  My son’s best friend later tested positive for THC. Impulsive decisions made by  16- and 17-year-olds cost a life and destroyed a family.

On Christmas following my son’s death, I did not send Christmas cards.  Instead, I mailed letters to every one of Nevada’s legislators, telling our story, adding a picture of Stephen, and asking for a law making it illegal to drive under the influence of illegal drugs.  I received 13 replies in writing and a few phone calls.  A first-term Assemblyman met with us and allowed us full access to his resources.  We sat together and wrote a drug per se bill.  Our bill failed, but Nevada State Senator Porter submitted an identical bill and we helped lobby it through our 1999 legislature.  It gave Nevada a 2 ng THC per se law, one of the best in the country.

The marijuana industry spent a lot of money and time passing legislation behind the public’s back, with little media coverage, to ensure they have a paved way.  I have watched our local governments waffle and cave to the money being given to their political campaigns by the marijuana industry.

We have been interviewed by a local TV news station along with a terminal brain cancer patient.  The response on Facebook by marijuana users was ridiculous.  There is no respect for the death of a child and no recognition of our loss.  There were claims that we owned stock in pharmaceuticals or would feel differently if it were alcohol, which is supposedly so much worse.

I have been living without my son for over 25 years now, along with all the problems of his drug use and how it shattered our family.  Stephen had completed a residential drug rehab program a few months before his death.  He was clean of drugs at the time of his death.  His friends, who came to our home, spoke of how he wanted them to attend Narcotics Anonymous with him.  One of the last things he said to me was, “Nothing is made better with drugs.”  I will never know if he would have been successful in his attempt to be drug-free.

I speak at VIP (Victim Impact Panel) and tell our story to drivers convicted of DUI.  The room is very quiet and there are some tears. My husband and I volunteered with many programs, such as MADD and Stop DUI.  We have witnessed many lives lost and families permanently damaged by marijuana.  There are so many.  When I add the families dealing with addiction, psychotic breaks, and suicide, it is more than I can grasp.  “Just a little pot” is such a foolish thing to say.  Having a ballot measure to legalize marijuana for recreational use is insane.

If state voters would sit in the courtrooms and witness the pain and suffering endured due to substance abuse (especially marijuana), and if they were to attend the funerals or memorials of the lives lost to suicide, the sleeping public would realize why we are fighting recreational marijuana use.  People would know our passion, which stems from the pain of a loss so great.

 (A longer version of this story originally appeared on MomsStrong.org.)   By Ilona Mager

QUOTE: “Stephen had completed a residential drug rehab program a few months before his death.  He was clean of drugs at the time of his death.  Unfortunately, the driver of the car wasn’t.”